Apple Geniuses

WTF? Seriously I hate the apple store, I hate it with a passion. Their 'geniuses' are like smiling little slimy gremlins sniffing about for commission like its their "precious". By no means are these creatures of the light 'geniuses', I would go as far as to say they are the total opposite. It's like when you call a retard special, they have dredged the most brainless bints out of the bottom a swamp.

I rang up because my beloved poddy, iPod to you, is having problems with his headphone jack. So I rang them up and this twatty high pitched moron answered the phone.

"Apple store" yes I know it is you freak, I'm not randomly bashing my phones buttons like an oaf till I get hold of the most annoying person ever. I waited for the "how can I help?", signifying the start of the next part of the conversation where I tell her why I rang...it didn't come, so I took a leap.

"Yeah hi, my iPods headphone jack has broken, I can only get sound out of the right earpiece."

"Did you try another pair of headphones?" No, no that was not the first thing I thought of doing to remedy the situation. I actually thought I would try shoving blue tac in my eye and doing the rain dance while poking it with a crap stained stick.

"Yes"

"Is it still the same?" Are you kidding me? No it was all better so I rang you to inform you of my idiocy.

"Yes" at this point I couldn't decide whether this woman was being snide or generally was a simpleton. So I added "I also went to the doctor and he said both my ear holes are fine too before you ask, so it's definitely the headphone Jack."

Silence, she obviously doesn't have a sense of humour either.

"Yeah so I need to book in and see" I held in my laughter, "a genius."

"Er...ok...ill just check" check what? Whether I qualify to see one? The diary? That your brains haven't fallen on the floor along with your telephone manor? "Yeah the only appointment is Thursday 4oclock"

"Fine ill take that one"

"Alright.......that's booked in" How? How did you book it in? You don't have my name? Did you put me in as 'some girl' or 'headphone lady that's ears work'? At this point I felt this girl needed help.

"Don't you want my name?" Moron.

"Oh Yeah"

So I have her my name and email address and hung up before she spread her brainless disease on to me.

Today I intrepidly enter the apple store, it was like a zoo. There were people everywhere scrambling at laptops bolted to the tables in case one of the apes bashing the keyboards and dribbling ran off with one. It was like walking in to a zombie apocalypse. As i entered, making my way to the 'genius' bar, about five of them slithered up to me, easily identified, not only by their Justin Bieber haircuts, sickly smiles, hipster clothes and lens less glasses but also their red t-shirts with 'genius' written on them in bold white text.

"Can I help you?" I doubt it, but I humoured them.

"Yeah I have an appointment"

"Oh yeah," one said looking pleased like a stupid child that finally gets a question he can answer. "If you go over there to the Genius Bar" he pointed smugly to a table, to which, I hasten to add, I was going to anyway since it read in huge bold capitals 'GENIUS BAR'.

"Yeah thanks" I exclaimed pitying the brainless fool. I wanted to add "Because I never would have guessed if you hadn't told me, I would have got lost in this small square shop of wonders, I could have been walking around for hours suffering from malnutrition and dehydration and I didn't even bring water with me."

I get to the Genius Bar and a guy comes up to me and takes my name. Then he asks "What's the problem?" I once again explain. Then he asks "Did you bring it with you?" I just looked at him dumb founded. No I left it at home I was hoping you could fix it telepathically.

I put it on the table and guess what he did, go on guess. That's right he turned it off and then on again, put it on hold and off again, then did a reset while looking all happy with himself. Yeah because I haven't tried that already, like the reset is some sort of secret, everyone knows that crap. At this point I wanted to face palm the desk. Then he said "Yeah it's the headphone jack, the pins have moved" THAT'S WHAT I SAID ORIGINALLY, DOES NO ONE LISTEN?

"You have two choices" he said. "Either you can upgrade or you can buy a piece to plug your phones in the bottom"

"Ok ill buy the thing to plug in"

"We don't sell them here" JESUS CHRIST are you people trying to push me to commit murder?

A that point I picked up my iPod and left seething at the retarded gremlin 'geniuses' all looking smug and happy. Why are they so happy always smiling like someone surgically removed all mouth muscle movement? Always squeaking in high upbeat tones "Hi can I help you?","Have a nice day", bugger off. They work in a shop surrounded by apes smashing keyboards, they can not be that happy. I bet they go home at night and cry with that surgical smile on their face. It makes me sick, stop being so nice its not natural.

End of rant!