As soon as you enter the train station the anger starts to
mount. You get to the ticket machine to top up your oyster card, inevitably
there is a que. The people in the que always take forever, what takes so long? Ill
tell you what takes so long, stupidity. They fumble around for their oyster
card in their bag, like why didn’t you do that while you were standing in the
que? Then they fumble around for their purse. Did you think the top up was
free?
By this time you have missed a train and now you have to
wait for the next one. You now make your way to the escalator...that’s right another
que. But this one could be avoided easily, by walking down them. You see, there
are two sides to an escalator, one for the people who want to stand and one for
people to walk down. That is why on one side is kept clear, for people who are
moving. But here is the thing, there is always one absolute moron who stands on
the moving side. WHY? Do you think people stand on one side in single file for
fun? No. Its because the side your standing on is for people walking down. How
can you be so unaware of your surroundings? How is that possible? You can see
no one is standing on that side, you can see people walking and you must be
able to realise there is now traffic mounting of tutting people behind you.
On the platform you see people just standing around
everywhere paying no attention to anything. You try to walk down the platform
to get out of the mass of sheep that have formed close to the entrance. ‘Excuse
me’ does not work, these zombies do not move they just stand there like the
brainless bints they are. So you gently push your way through to a piece of
space and stand back near the wall like a normal person, to let people pass.
But there are always some idiots that walk along and stand right in front of
you the dumbest of which stand on or past the yellow line. Contrary to popular
belief the yellow line is there for a reason it’s not just a weird design put
there for decoration. It’s saying: “don’t stand on or past me if you do you
could fall or get hit by the train”. I mean to be honest your safety means
nothing to me, I don’t care if you want to put your own life at risk. What I
care about is if you get hit or fall on to the tracks you’re holding up my
journey, your ignorance is going to me late.
The train comes, usually after a delay of some kind because
some pillock fell on to the tracks. At this point the sheep start moving
towards the doors before they even open, ramming each other out of the way. The
doors open and instead of letting people off the train like first they push
their way on forcing a jam between sheep wanting to get on the train and off
it. Now we’re at a stand off. Slowly they push past each other using sheer
force and determination. At this point if there is no room or the doors are
closing don’t try and jump on, getting your big stupid head stuck in the
closing doors. Well done, now we have to watch as the doors open and close
repeatedly making us later than we already are.
Now we are all on the train packed in like sardines near the
doors because some douphes don’t have the brain power to realise that if they just
move down in to the carriage there will be more room for everyone. The worst
people in these situations are those who lean on the poles, great you selfish
twat now there is nothing to hold on to for everyone else, unless we want to
touch a part of you. Tall people, You guys can reach the god damned hanging
things, hold on to them. Leave the poles for us short people. Also think about
short people, I always end up with some tall man who keeps backing up forcing
me in to the smallest corner of the carriage and keeps leaning on me until I scream
at his dumb lanky ass.
That’s another thing, personal space. I understand we have
to deal with the little space we have been given. However that doesn’t mean you
can put your hands wherever you want. The close vicinity we are forced to stand
in does not give the right for rubbing, pinching or caressing strangers. It does
not warrant a wandering hand. Keep your hands to yourself. Also I do not want
your stinky arm pit in my face.
Its not just armpits that stink though. I mean it’s
inevitable that one may end up in your face on a train, for this reason you
should wash and wear deodorant. Also don’t breathe your stinky breath all over
the place. Breathe through your nose I don’t want you breathing on me. Don’t eat
stinky food on the train or before getting on one. Why should we have to
suffer? Oh and don’t forget those people who burp, cough and sneeze without putting
their hand up to their face. Stop spreading your germs. It’s disgusting. Its
almost as bad as those people that piss and vomit on trains, I once saw a man
piss himself on a seat, then vomit as he stumbled off. It was funny though as
some woman pushed an old woman out the way to sit in that seat, yes she sat in
the piss ridden seat, and it served her right.
That’s another thing why do people fight for seats; it’s
like survival of the laziest. Jeez you have legs use them don’t fight people to
sit down. I never sit down because I usually end up standing for an old person
who is upset that I thought her old enough to be offered a seat or a pregnant
woman who is just fat. So to avoid this I just stand. But then I see elderly
frail people get on or heavily pregnant people and no one offers them a seat. Healthy
men and women will sit while someone suffers standing. It just shows the nature
of mankind and how uncaring, we as a nation have become.
This is why I hate trains they makes us turn in to animals!
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